Saturday, August 7, 2021

Writing Samples - Olympic Style Analysis

Reading and Writing Course

Writing Samples 




Narrative Essay on Cultural Identity by Lainett Méndez


Society has an irreversible tendency to separate people into different boxes. This is how they can differentiate them and determine each person’s way of thinking. At the end of the day, each individual will decide which box he or she fits in, but this is only possible when they acknowledge how their life experiences shape their interactions with the world. With this in mind, that person would have found his or her cultural identity. The factors that influence my behaviour, the way I speak and the things I consider as good or bad form my culture. Indeed being South American has affected my identity in terms of traditions, society, demography, gender, ability, among others. As a Venezuelan, my cultural identity has been molded by my family, religion, social environment and political system. 

My country is called Venezuela, it is located on the northern coast of South America and its official language is Spanish. They have been considered to be the “happiest people in the world.” The fact that I was born in Venezuela is key in determining who I am. Usually people in South America are friendly, hardworking, and tend to express their feelings and thoughts very openly. My family lives in Valencia, one of the most important cities in Venezuela due to its industrialization and technological advances in comparison to other cities. 



Childhood Dreams by Jennifer Yee


When I was a child, I loved balloons, carousels, candy floss and my father, who shared them all with me. I never wanted more. To me, the amusement park was a place in which I was free to imagine, to indulge, even to fly. I never forgot those childhood days, but the concerns of adulthood gradually moved them to the back of my mind. 

Sometimes, though, I dream I am at the amusement park again with my father. He takes me to the clown who sells helium balloons, each tied to a long piece of white string, and he buys me a huge red balloon. My father then ties the loose end of the string around my wrist so that the balloon does not drift away, but it does anyway, taking me with it.

I forget when I last had that dream. Somewhere between my childhood and today, I have forgotten how to laugh, how to play and how to dream. Now, as a university student, I think about graduation, career choices, money and marriage - not about silly balloons, carousel rides, and candy floss. As an adult, I am smothered by the real world, and no longer have the freedom to enjoy life in the same way I did when I was a child. 







Nothing in a Name by Bartley


“Molly, dinner time!” my mother yells in a sing-songy voice from the first floor. My father calls the waitress over, “Excuse me, Molly,” he states, trying to get her attention. The doorbell rings, and I answer it, “Hi, I’m Molly,” says the cheerful little girl scout standing at my doorstep. 

Names are universal identifiers; they shed no light about one’s personality. They are labels, they fail to display our identity because identity is a unique part of what makes you, you. Names are a terrible way to understand someone’s identity because names are regularly replicated. In my sixth grade class, there were three Mollys. We all had different backgrounds, different religious affiliations, and different personalities. If our names displayed who we are, wouldn’t our identities all be the same? Instead of staring at names and trying to understand their meaning, one should focus on a person’s personality, for personality depicts our identity. In fact, I have learned from experience to not infer one’s identity based on their name. For instance, in middle school, I was mutual friends with a girl named Kassidy. One Tuesday afternoon, my friend Katy told me that Kassidy was going to sit with us at lunch that day. I shrugged my shoulders and replied with a casual “okay.” Before Kassidy walked in, I had a whole image of her in my mind: blond hair, cute pastel coloured clothes…


Aspects of Writing


Subject matter

  • Clear - can easily identify what the writing is about

  • Depth? - Does the writer provide examples and reasons behind what they are saying

  • Interesting and thought-provoking - do people care about this topic?


Voice and Style

  • Complex word choice (ex. Instead of using the words "very" or "really," use "profoundly" or "deeply")

  • Not wordy (use of big words without understanding the meaning or words are out of place)

  • Descriptive - appeals to the five senses (taste, touch, smell, sight, sound)

  • Figurative Language - simile, metaphor, onomatopoeia, imagery  


Structure

  • Clear topic sentence and supporting sentences

  • Varied sentence length (ex. "I like chocolate" "He is kind")

  • Logical progression - one thought builds into the next thought


Grammar

  • Run-on sentences? 

    • Do not fit too many ideas in the same sentence

      • Topic sentence first and supporting sentences 

  • Proper punctuation? (Capitalization, periods)

  • Subject-verb agreement

  • Complete sentences

    • Ex. I agree. What exactly are you agreeing with? I agree with the statement that says it is important to maintain your identity because...

  • Spelling 



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